Life Lesson - July 13, 2008

Picture by Etherhill

Jealousy gets you nowhere. Honestly. I spent this whole summer fuming like a teapot about a bunch of stupid stuff, and now I'm going into my senior year of high school at odds with my two best friends. Quite frankly, Betsy got a boyfriend and relocated to Cloud Nine. I accidentally let slip that I was sick of hearing about him twenty four/seven, so she decided that instead of sticking around to hear me gripe she was going to spend every last second of the summer with Lizzie, who was already swamped with summer volunteer work and entertaining her niece and really didn't have time to go shopping for date outfits every other day. I eventually caught onto the fact that every time one of them said they were busy, they were actually hanging out together (not very hard to discover, actually, since Lizzie is my across-the-street neighbor), and thus became quite jealous. I mean, it's human nature to get a little pissed when your two best friends have five consecutive sleepovers without inviting you, and you can literally see them together if you look out of your bedroom window. And so I grew cold towards them, which was a kind of bad idea since everyone is busy over the summer so it wasn't like I had anyone else to talk to. I had pretty much ruined two months of my teen aged life by sulking around, fuming over my friends' supposed "treachery" (my sister laughed when I said that word, but what does she know? Ava was top of her class, never had a rainy day, little miss perfect when she was in high school).

This is what Ava advises:

*Attempt to include yourself. I know it sounds bitchy, and I will admit that I hate it when a friend is all, "I heard y'all were going to see Prince Caspian tonight - what time is the movie?" when it was sort of a previously planned two-person event. But maybe your friends don't know that you want to be included. Ava suggested that Betsy might have thought I was mad at her, and assumed I didn't want to go get a mani-pedi with her. And it doesn't have to be a "I know you have plans, but I'm bored - please fit me into your life" kind of deal. It's more of a, "Hey, we haven't hung out in a while, and I heard there's a shoe sale at Macy's this weekend - wanna go check it out?", or whatever floats your boat (Personally, I hate Macy's. Why are the shoes at Journey's never on sale?). And if they say they're busy, keep coming up with stuff. Show that you really are interested in hanging out with them. But if that doesn't work...

*Call up some other friends. And no, not to get revenge and evoke jealousy. To have fun! One night when Betsy and Lizzie had plans, I called up some friends to go to the movies. We had a blast, and it really showed me that there are other people to have fun with than those I've been with since preschool. But if you really miss the old ones...

*Talk to the friend(s) you're mad at. Tell them. Try and work things out. If you can't do it face-to-face, then email them or something. I used a Facebook private message to sort of vent my feelings to Lizzie. Turned out she thought I was mad at her. Hm. Funny how these things work out.

*Don't think about it. Have some You Time. I would get into these awful crying jags over my "tragic lack of friends", and I would just lay in my bed and refuse to do anything but listen to sad songs and think about how much I miss hanging out with my "BFFs". Get up. Tell yourself you're wonderful. What did I do to bring myself out of my slumps? I put on my old formal dresses and took pictures of myself in the mirror. I turned up Kelis and made a dance routine to "Milkshake". I watched the Spanish channel to see if I understood a word. I read aloud from the book I was reading (at the time, All the King's Men) in an Irish accent.

I know it's been said a million times, "If a friend brings you down, maybe they aren't really your friend". I might be over-dramatisizing this story. I'm still very good friends with Lizzie. Betsy has sort of estranged herself by spending all of her time with her new boyfriend. I'm learning to live with this new situation, and hope that things only get better. But still, consider it. Why waste time being jealous? Hate belongs in Hell, not in our hearts. It ruins relationships and corners us until we're gibbering messes. Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic too. I am, after all, an actress and a writer. But you get my point. Move on. Don't let negative people bring you down. That's what I've learned.